When a man breaks how can he mend himself. Does he need to reach out to others or is it possible to heal oneself. A sick man needs a doctor. What type of physician can mend a broken soul? A broken heart? Is time the only thing one can use. That can take too long and in the wait more damage may occur. I am just asking. I have no answers. I have questions only. You hope you can find something to ease the pain. So far the search has been fruitless. One wanders on wondering what one can do. There seem no good answers. There seems no solutions. Time is a bitch but it is a bitch you have to deal with. You call out in the emptiness and you get no response. You cry out for for something of which you are not even sure. Broken, wrecked, adrift, sad, silent. The silence is deafening. The quiet is more than you can bare at times. Of course you have to bear it. Bear it or end it and that isn't an option. Not really. So you do whatever you can to heal, to mend, to get back up having been knocked down. It isn't easy. It won't be. It may get easier but for now you can only endure. 12-11-22

Bike Wipe.... a Year Later!

     It had been one year to the day since he wiped out on his bicycle and broken 4 ribs (not to mention a medley of other injuries to his entire left side.) He was keenly aware of this point since he hit the light on his alarm which revealed to him that the time was 5:00 AM, the room temperature was 78F and the date was September 20, 2022. The date had sunk into his brain and while the previous day it had not occurred to him that the following day was the one year anniversary of a day where he had spent over 6 hours in the Emergency Department seeing it on his clock brought it all back. 

      It had been a glorious warm day of around 85 degree's and he had gone riding on his new bike. He had gone along Lakeshore Boulevard into Brathenahl and then headed up MLK boulevard to University Circle. It was on MLK where his attention had been grabbed by what seemed to be a drug deal going down and he was looking off to his right unaware that his bike drifted slightly in that direction. When his vision refocused on his riding path it was too late and he hit the curb just to the right of where there was actually an up ramp from the street to the bikeway. Before he could react he was slamming into the blacktop of the bikeway his entire left side taking full impact. He remembered feeling stunned. He remembered getting up and going to a bench and sitting down of a minute and looking over his injuries. His left thigh was swollen bigger than it ever had been. His left forearm was bleeding and swollen to the point that it looked like there might be an avocado pit underneath the bloody area. His breathing told him he had broken a rib though it turned out to be 4 of them. He sat for a moment and without a cell phone he would have to keep riding. He was going to rest until it struck him that he would just stiffen up so he got on and continued on. He remembered how while riding through Bratenahl there was an abnormal number of cars in the east bound lane and that something had happened on I-90. As he rode under it heading south on MLK there were sirens and flashing lights though he could see exactly what had happened so while it was a shorter trip home to reverse course he continued on the path he had originally planned. He went through University Circle up into Cleveland Heights. He was getting plenty of looks by pedestrians as he rode through the Coventry Village area with blood dripping off him. At one point he thought about asking a hot dog vendor if he could sponge some napkins but he didn't. He was in no mood to talk. The ride to his house had lasted another 50 minutes. When he got home he looked at his wounds and washed them off. Then he got into the shower and washed some more. Upon getting out o f the shower he felt sore and tired. A beer would be good he thought but first he called a nurse line and after talking to the nurse and explaining his condition she said he should definitely go to the ED. He didn't want to. He just wanted to rest. Still he walked over to Euclid General. The nurse had said he should get someone to drive him but anyone who might do this was working and he could walk easily in 10 minutes. He had reminded the nurse that he had just pedaled his bike for the last 50 minutes to get to where he was. He walked. It was warm and sunny and he was wearing shorts sandals and a tank top. He was not prepared for the cold of the hospital. He went and checked in. It was a good 45 minutes before he got out of the waiting room and into triage where he explained everything that had happened. He was left in the triage room for another 20 minutes before they came and put him in a bed. He was now wearing a hospital gown with the open back. He remembered wonder why they don't have a gown that just button up the front. Or at least tie in front like a bathrobe. So while he was at the hospital he got x-rayed and a CT Scan and they gave him some IV stuff for the pain and left him in a room where he was freezing with clothes meant for mid 80's. It couldn't have been much over 60 in there. Finally a nurse came in and he told her he was freezing so she gave him a blanket commenting “normally they are warm but this one isn't, sorry.” It was something. Most of his time he dealt with a Physicians assistant who was nice. Eventually a pretty doctor of Indian heritage came in and talked to him for about 5 minutes. She mentioned he might possibly have to stay over night, something he had never done and was not planning on it. He had a cat at home that needed her medicines. The rest of the time he was basically waiting for the results of the CT scan to come back. Then he would get checked out if that showed nothing significant. It got to be shift change and the PA came and apologized that he had to leave and introduce him to a second PA, the night shift PA, that would take care of him the rest of the way. Well around 8:30 that night the results of the CT scan came back and he was good to go. He remembered just how good it was to walk out of the hospital into the warm night air. The thought of a good stiff drink was crossing through his mind. He remembered when talking to the pretty doctor he was going to ask if it'd be alright to have a drink when he got home but then he thought she might say 'no' so he didn't ask. Strolling slowly back to his house he couldn't believe how what had seemed to be such a great day had gone south so quickly. He remembered getting home and giving his cat Marsha her med's and making a good stiff gin martini with an olive. 

      With these thoughts on his mind and the day being a glorious late September day he put on his riding shorts and headed east on Lakeshore Boulevard to Brathenahl to University Circle up into the Coventry area, this time stopping to rest at the Peace Arch and then after having rested home via the Euclid Creek Metropark. It could happen again he had thought.......but it didn't!                                                                                                                                 9-20-22

It's 2022 and It Is Not Going Away    

     The pandemic was really working on peoples patience. It has been going on for two years. Vaccines seemed to offer hope but then the hope is dashed because of the attitude of too many who claim the vaccines are a fraud or government conspiracy or an impingement of their personal rights so they don't get vaccinate which allows the virus to mutate into new more contagious versions. It's a pathetic commentary on our country and it's leaders, many who encourage the destructive behavior. It's hard to imagine this is actually happening. What if this type of mid set were in place on September 11, 2001. No back then we could all rally together and accept the restrictions that were put into place after that infamous day. But today with stupidity and ignorance being lauded as a good thing by too many people who are suppose to be leading we are where we are. The pandemic is going to go on and on and we will never get to herd immunity this way. It is sad. It is pathetic. It is America in 2022!


20 Years Later

     So tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of September 11th. Where are we now? We just pulled out of Afghanistan after 20 years and now the Taliban is taking control, re-taking control, of the country just like they did 20 years ago. After 9-11-01 we told the Taliban “give us bin Laden or we invade.” I believed they said show us some evidence. We said “No, hand him over”. At the time I didn't think it was absurd to ask for evidence but what did I know. Assuming the US had evidence people supported the war. I am going to say that they wouldn't have if they had been told it's going to last a long long fucking time. 

The US eventually got bin Laden on Obama's watch. Guess where he was. Pakistan. Yep.... They have nukes so we aren't going to go and invade them. It was a mistake to go to war over the attacks on 9/11. Cooler heads should have prevailed and we still could have got our pound of flesh without spending the last 20 years there. Did it help that we then invaded Iraq for absolutely no god damn reason. It took resources from the original fight and left us bogged down there. 2 countries. 2 quagmires. What a mess. Now we are out of Afghanistan and the Taliban are the victors. We wasted time, lives and a butt load of money there. (by the way the Taliban is now in control of a lot of the weapons we gave the Afghan army.) We lost. Plain and simple we lost. Bush should have been more thoughtful but he wasn't. He had to find a fly and smash it. Well The fly ain't been smashed. USA,USA, USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The world is really fucked up. Everyone is always right even though they are usually wrong. The world of social media has displaced peoples minds and hearts and turned what might be sympathetic causes into confrontations. People are so eager to be offended that it is almost impossible to avoid that without total isolating yourself from the rest of the world. Of course that is the route I will take. Isolation is better than confrontation. Especially when those confronting are thin skinned shit heads who think they deserve everything while not conceding anything. I grow weary and my patience is getting thin and soon the world will be without me and they won't even notice. But I will notice as I will be happier without the bullshit that comes from being an intelligent member of a society without intelligence. A society that grows slowly stupider and meaner and more venomous everyday. I don't need this world as it exists and it doesn't need me. We can go our separate ways and when I do have to venture out into the morass that is humanity I will be prepared to encounter goons and idiots and morons which is to say I will be prepared to face 'human' beings. They should be wary when they see me coming though because my patience for their kind is thin and evaporating like the rain on a Tucson sidewalk in July. At one point I was trying so hard to like people but it is all gone now. They are dead to me. The few I can tolerate and even enjoy I will continue to do so but the rest... well they can go fuck themselves.   May 9, 2021

Inauguration Day 2021

The American carnage isn't what he inherited it is what he inflicted.

That was a dark 4 years. A constant ringing of chaos, violence, hate, division and so much more. The American carnage isn't what he inherited it is what he inflicted. A painful and disgusting display. That he got so many to go along with him is what is the most disturbing aspect of this. Those people are still around. Their leader will still use them for his own purposes. And they will be used. It is sad and pathetic but it is real so there is no point in acting like it will all go back to being normal. I think normal may have poofed out of existence. My pessimism bothers me and it bothers me because I truly feel there is every reason to be pessimistic. The new administration I have hope for but what they are going up against is irrational and violent. That is a flammable combo. So now we have 4 years in front of us and we will have to wait and see what happens from here on out. It is hard to imagine what the nation just had to put up with. Hopefully this can not happen again. Hopefully as the population becomes broader and more diverse the haters will shrink and get outnumbered. Then again they can go underground and wreak their havoc best as they are able. I put nothing past their mindset. Nothing is too extreme. No facts will change their view. They are not to be reasoned with. They are mental and emotional carrion. Their hate rots. It will, hopefully, eat them alive from the inside out. Then again I just mentioned the word hope. I want to have hope. I do have hope but then again one of my maxims is “Hope is nothing but the chance to be disillusioned.” I hope I am wrong.                           January 20, 2021

American Carnage

     So they have stormed the capitol. One person was shot. Trump eventually sent a video message that basically said they were right to protest his loss then chipped in “go home in peace.” He actually said “We love you”. That he said that is unbelievable except that he has been talking this bullshit all along. What a disgrace. Biden said to Trump to take the reigns and Trump sympathizes with the extremists. What a fucked up day. 

     On the bright side the Democrats took the 2 Georgia Senate seats giving them control of the Senate. When he started Trump had the house, the Senate and the presidency. Four years later he has lost all of that. I hope America has had enough 'winning'. Even Pence finally went against him. Lawmakers were issued gas masks. Very fucked up. Republicans need to take responsibility for this bull shit. They enabled him all the way.           January 6, 2021

18 Years Ago 

     When he got out of bed that morning it was a sunny day. The sky was blue and it was warm. It was a lot like that same day 18 years ago. He recalled listening to the radio at the lab that he worked and the  voice on the radio cut in to say a plane had just crashed into one of the Twin Towers in New York. His first thought that day was “odd, it’s too nice out for there to be visual difficulties.” He was assuming New York’s weather was like Cleveland's, which it was though he didn’t know that for sure. He…

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Americans are lazy. They won’t vote, they will let the police do whatever they please without too much objection, even if it is to themselves. They will believe anything they hear especially if it is repeated to them over and over. They have freedom but do they deserve it? The older I get the less I think they are deserving of it. They won’t fight to protect it. Yet they will allow the people in charge to send their sons and daughters off to fight for it under questionable reasoning without thinking twice…

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Everywhere, everyone they all were dying.  It pretty much didn’t matter which way he looked he could see that the whole goddamn world was falling apart and while they were telling themselves they were good and wonderful and exemplary he also knew that deep down they knew they were worthless and pointless and death was sitting there just behind their eyes.  Those eyes that did their best to deceive you into thinking that the skull around them was something special, was something worth talking to and knowing

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April Fools and Happy Easter 

     APRIL FOOLS and Happy Easter. So what is the significance of these days coming on the same day. Probably there isn’t any significance. But still whether you accept that Christ is the son of God, God or just a guy who had a message you got to admit the whole story is a good one. Tolkien could have written something like that although there would probably be more big wars and stuff. Christ might have been more like Aragorn or perhaps Gandalf. Still a brutal legally justified murder takes place and the…

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Happy New Year???????? Something I wrote on 1-1-17 

So we commence with a new year. May it be a good one. May it be peaceful and productive and filled with love and compassion. May people of good will dominate those who are not like that. May things go well for the individual and the country. May we see beauty and truth and love and peace be the dominant factors that guide our society. These are only things that one can hope for and yet too they are things that one, on the individual level, should strive for. Yes I say ‘should’ which makes me sound like a…

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Mortality Is A Bitch! 

Mortality is a bitch.  You live and you love and you have a blast as you do these things and then you have to go.  “But I’m not ready to go” you say.  Too fucking bad motherfucker... POW. You are gone.  Wasn’t your choice.  Nothing was ever your choice.  You might have thought it was but you could only control so much and what you did was largely dependent upon what was put before you.  Sure then you got to choose but who is living the ideal life?  Everyone can bitch.  When it’s over it’s over.  You hope…

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     So Trump is the President and he is doing one smashing job if being in the news is your thing, and I think it is his thing. I don’t think he has any real interest in governing but he likes attention and what more attention can you get than being the President of the United States. He is not a man I would want my children to emulate if I had any. That he is prez makes me especially glad that I do not. He will do things to this country that would make it worse for them. He will assuage the rich while…

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Cavs 2015 

June 11, 2015

     So its the morning of game 4.  Cavs could really use going back to the west coast with a 3-1 lead.  Not sure if it will happen.  As a Clevelander I have witnessed the disappointment and loss often enough to know that nothing comes easy.  While my love a sports has faded considerably over the years there is something very intriguing about this particular moment.  To walk around downtown and see all the Cavs reminder's from the kiosks with the individual players on them to the giant…

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Response to an Facebook post by a 'working musician'. 

Well sir it seems you have chosen to try and make a living performing music.  That’s great.  However if you make this choice and it does not work out don’t blame anyone but yourself.  There are a lot of fine musicians who simply don’t want to live that life and manage to both support themselves and keep creating music.  Yes it means a day job perhaps, but if you decide to go that route complaining about the day job would be the same as you complaining that your life as a working musician isn’t working out……

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SEPTEMBER 11, 2014 

Another September 11th.  I’m getting the idea that people are starting to forget it.  It isn’t so fresh or raw these days and yet with all the crap going on in the Middle East how can they forget.  I would say that a lot of the bullshit in the Middle East is an offshoot of September 11, and the irresponsible actions of the Bush/Cheney regime.  Would ISIS be able to do what it’s doing if we hadn’t attacked Iraq for no good reason.. It wasn't so chaotic before then.  Yes Saddam was cruel but is the present…

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